Starting Over
by SiobhanSnape
Summary: Alexis comes home from college with a big secret, and finds some one she least expected to help her through it.
1. Chapter 1

College was finally over! Alexis practically skipped up the hall of the 12th precinct to go see her father. She had gotten done with all of her finals and had decided that she would surprise her father and take him out to lunch. Hopefully that would soften him up to the bomb she was going to drop on him.

Rounding the corner she saw that Beckett's and her dad's desk was empty.

"Lex?" turning she smiled at Esposito and Ryan

"Hi guys!" She said and hugged Esposito, when she went to hug Ryan she noticed that his eyes were lingering on her stomach. Covering herself up with her jacket she smiled "So where are Dad and my new step mom?"

"They took a vacation and went to the keys," Esposito said,

"Yeah, they said something about a second honeymoon, and Beckett had like three months' worth of vacation piled up." Ryan said and grinned at her, she knew he knew... Damn.

"Well crap, I was going to surprise dad, I'm all done with school and I was going to take him out to lunch." Putting her hands on her hips she gave them both her thousand watt smile. "Why don't you guys come out to lunch with me?"

"I can't Laine and I have been really busy planning the wedding and we have a meeting to go try cakes during lunch" Said Esposito, he sounded like he was in pain as he said it.

"I will though, just let me go grab my coat" Alexis nodded and waited for him by the elevator. She had a feeling it was going to be an interesting lunch.

Ten minutes later they were seated at Remy's and she was trying to keep the conversation on him, he was putting up a good fight though.

"So how are Jenny and Devlin?" she asked and then took a sip of her water.

She could see the tension in his face when he hugged his coffee cup and leaned back "I forget you have been gone for a while... Jenny and I separated, she moved to Maine with her boyfriend, Dev. and I moved to an apartment not far from the station."

"Oh my god, Kevin why didn't you tell me!" she said and tried to shove his shoulder but he was too far away.

"I could ask you the same thing Lex" he replied and gestured to her stomach. "How far along are you?"

"Five months... I wanted to finish my last semester before I told dad" She sat against the wall in the booth and pulled her knees to her chest, "I know he is going to be mad, but I'm kind of excited"

"Well you've had five months to get used to it" Ryan said and smiled, he remembered when Jenny had told him she was pregnant with Devlin; it was one of the best days of his life. "I don't think your dad will be mad for long. He will want to know where your dear boyfriend is though."

"Yeah well when he finds him, he can let me know" she took a long drink of her water and tried to will away the redness creeping into her face.

"What does that mean" she could tell Ryan was about to blow a gasket.

"This is why I didn't call. I didn't need you and Javi acting like big brothers and beating the hell out of Ashley"

"Ashley did this? Oh when I get a hold of that little prick" Ryan stopped when Alexis reached over and grabbed his arm, he could see the tears forming in her eyes and sighed "What happened?"

"He moved all the way back to New York for me and things were great. Then I told him I was pregnant, he sort of snapped. Said it would ruin everything and that I needed to get rid of it." Alexis wiped a tear away and Ryan came to sit next to her putting an arm around her. "When I told him I would never... He got mean and slapped me... I moved out of the apartment and back into the dorms. I never told dad, and I've already had the paper work drawn up so that Ashley can never claim my baby"

"I'll kill him if I see him again you know that right?" he said and rubbed her shoulder. "Do you need anything? I know Castle is going to go ballistic with baby shopping once he gets over the shock."

"Well you can help me find a place; I want to get settled into a place before the baby comes. And I don't think I will be able to handle Dad when he finds out" She looked up at him and smiled at him with her tear streaked cheeks.

Ryan chuckled and sat up, picking up a napkin he wrote down the name of an n apartment building and the address, "It just so happens there are a few apartments for rent here."

"Really!" Alexis hugged him excitedly; Ryan could feel his heart speed up... Damn it, if this girl wasn't getting to him.

"Come on, I have to get back to work and knowing you, you probably want to be out of your dads house before he gets back from the keys."

Ryan sat on the floor watching Devlin help Alexis paint the walls in her living room. It had taken her less than a day to sign the lease on her own apartment and get everything thing she owned moved in. Looking around him he sighed, sadly all she owned was a bean bag, the bed from her room at her dads, and a few book shelves.

"So when do you think you'll be getting furniture?" he asked and took a swig of his beer.

"Laine said she had some couches for me, and I'm sure dad has something in storage I can use" Turning she put her hand on her hip and glared at him "You know when you told me you and Dev. had moved closer to the station you could have told me that you OWNED IT!

Ryan laughed and stood up "I don't tell many people. You said you needed a place and I just happened to have a few units open."

"Yeah well, thanks" she finally smiled at him and looked down at three year old Devlin who was hugging her legs. "Yes baby"

"I need more paint" he asked and held out his brush to her.

"How about we get you cleaned up and get some dinner first." Ryan said and picked his paint covered son up.

"Sounds good to me! Chinese or Pizza?" Alexis asked and Ryan turned back around to look at her, he stopped in his tracks and took in her appearance for a moment, she had paint on her legs, her pink bandana was coming off, but damn if she didn't look good pregnant. Her belly was just barely rounding and she had filled out a bit more. "What"

"Nothing... Being pregnant looks good on you is all" he said and as he walked his son to the bathroom so he could have a bath, he could've sworn he heard her giggle.

The week was finally ending and Alexis was sitting in her dad's house waiting for him and Kate to get home. Yesterday she had told her grandmother that she was pregnant, well Martha had taken on look at her and started talking about how she was too young to be a great grandmother. After a bottle of wine (for Martha) and several pints of mint chocolate chip ice cream, Martha finally conceded that she was happy for Alexis. Now she just hoped her father would react as well as his mother had.

"Alexis!" Turning she smiled as her dad and Kate came in the door, the look of shock on Kate's flickered away quickly and a smile reappeared.

"Dad, Kate how was your vacation?" hugging her dad she hoped he would at least notice the change, but he never said a word.

"Good" he said and set their luggage by the stairs "So when is my grandson due? Because I don't know if I can handle any more girls is this family"

Alexis hugged her dad hard and started crying. It would be just like him to bring it up like it was always known that she was pregnant. " I was so worried that you would hate me, or that you wouldn't want to talk to me anymore, I know I am normally really responsible and I am sorry that I got pregnant, but I am just so excited for this baby and I need you guys to be excited too..."

"Lex, while I am not completely happy that you got pregnant before you were married, I know you will be just fine." He stepped back and smiled "Now I was thinking that we can set up the nursery in the blue room..."

"Uh, dad... I already have a place, Kevin helped me find one a few days ago." she said sheepishly, and grimaced at the look on her father's face.

"You're not going to live here?" he whined and looked over at his wife "She moved out"

"Oh rick stops acting like a baby!" Kate said and smacked his arm. "When are you due?"

"September ninth" Alexis said while Kate wrapped am arm around her shoulder and walked her upstairs.


	2. Chapter 2

Things had gone a lot better with her father then she thought they would, even with the grumbling about Ashley being a butt face, things were coming together nicely. Ryan had been correct in saying that Castle was going to go crazy with baby stuff. The baby's nursery was completely furnished before the whole apartment was.

She was standing in her living room doing pregnancy yoga when she heard someone whistle, turning she laughed at the cheeky smile on Esposito's face. "What you don't knock?"

"Nope, I walk in and bust down doors" He walked over and gave her a hug rubbing her growing belly.

"Uh, why is it that people feel the need to rub my belly every time they see me?" she groaned

"I think it's because we are all still getting used to the fact that Alexis Castle is having a baby" Esposito smiled at her and handed her a brown grocery bag "Here Laine sent over some stuff your supposed to eat when you are pregnant, she's being mother hen"

"Well if you would give her some kids already!" she said and smacked his arm, turning she walked into the kitchen and started unloading the bag.

"Hey were not even married yet!" sitting on one of the bar stools he grabbed his phone as it started ringing. "Hey man! I'll be there in a minute, ya I'm at Alexis' apartment….. I'm dropping something off you nosey dork"

Alexis laughed as Esposito hung up on Ryan and then a few minutes later the detective was walking through her front door "No one knocks around here huh?"

"Good Moring Alexis" Ryan said and gave her a kiss on the cheek. He shrugged on his coat and rubbed her belly like it was second nature. "Can you keep an eye on the new baby sitter today? She seems like she is a little flighty."

"I don't know why you don't just let me watch Devlin; you know I love that kid!" Alexis said and fixed his collar. "Besides I told you the new sitter you got was way too young."

"Yes well she's cheap" Ryan let her straighten his tie and they both turned when Esposito laughed "What?"

"You two look like an old married couple." He said and then suddenly his face turned serious as he looked at Alexis "He been keeping his hands to himself?"

"Espo!" Ryan exclaimed

Alexis laughed and hugged Esposito "Nothing is going on, Kevin and I just live next door to each other so we are just a bit more familiar with each other"

"Okay well you'll tell me if he tried anything right?" Esposito asked and earned a slap to the back of the head from both his partner and Alexis.

"Go to work!" Alexis told both of them. They waved good bye to her and took off out the front door leaving Alexis to think over what Esposito said.

Ten hours later Ryan stepped off the elevator on his floor and stretched, catching the bad guys was starting to take a toll on his back. Opening his front door he called out for Devlin, when he got no answer he noticed a note sitting on the coffee table.

_Kevin,_

_The baby sitter was mysteriously 'sick' so Devlin and I are at my place having a dinner and movie night, feel free to get some sleep. I've got him not worries._

_ Alexis_

Smiling he sat on his couch and sighed. Sleeping sounded good right about now, and while he felt slightly guilty that he was glad Alexis had offered to take his son all night, he was still glad she was there when Devlin needed her.

When he woke a few hours later he noticed it was only nine. Taking a quick shower he changed into a pair of jeans and headed over to Alexis' apartment. Knocking lightly he opened the door and smiled at the scene in front of him. Alexis was asleep on the couch with Devlin in her lap with his head on her stomach.

Alexis was right this morning, they had become a lot more familiar with each other over the last few weeks. If she wasn't at his place trying to do his laundry or kidnapping Devlin, then he was at her house fixing something or having dinner. To anyone outside of the friendship it would look like they were dating. He had been telling himself for a while that it was time to move on from Jenny and start dating again, and maybe this is why. Alexis was ten years younger than him, he needed to go out and meet some new people. Because falling for Alexis would be a very bad thing.

When Alexis woke it was three in the morning. There was a light glow coming from the movie playing on the TV. Smiling she looked down at Devlin who was sleeping with his head on her stomach. She couldn't wait to be a mother, because she knew that if she loved this baby as much as she loved Devlin she was going to cherish every moment of it. Sitting up she picked up Devlin and took him into her room so that he could sleep better. As she walked back into the living room she noticed that Kevin was sleeping in the recliner her dad had brought over that day.

Smiling she pulled her little afghan over him and kissed his forehead. As she went to turn around and go lay on the couch she yelped as he put his arms around her waist and pulled her onto the recliner and under the blanket with him. "Kevin this chair is too small"

"I don't care" he said without even opening his eyes, he moved over so that there was enough room for her and she smiled when he kissed her forehead. "Go to sleep"

"Kevin" she started but stopped when he opened his eyes and looked at her.

"Just tonight. I just….. Don't want to sleep alone" even though he had whispered it, it almost felt like he was begging her. Nodding her head she scooted closer to him and smiled when he sighed. IF only for tonight she could pretend, that maybe this could all be real one day.


	3. Chapter 3

Suddenly it seemed like summer was fading into fall and Alexis was six short weeks from her due date. It was the beginning of august and while she was happy that it was nice out she also felt like she could kill whoever invented hot weather. Sitting on her couch she had four fans pointed at her and she was still hot.

"Uh! I'm going to melt!" standing up she stretched her tank top over her belly and smiled…..

Kevin laughed as he and Devlin stepped off the elevator on their floor. They had spent a rare Saturday at the zoo. Kevin had played hooky from work, decided that it was time that he had a day out with his son. As he opened the front door he laughed at the scene in front of him. Alexis was standing in front of his freezer eating ice cream out of the carton and humming to herself.

"Hi bug!" she said as Devlin came racing up to her. She picked him up and set him on her hip like he weighed nothing, he still hadn't figured out how she did that at eight months pregnant.

"What are you doing here Lex, I know you have ice cream at your house" he said as he kissed her cheek and shut the freezer door.

"Ahhh but you have butter pecan and I really wanted some" Smiling she set Devlin down started digging into the ice cream again.

"I will never understand how pregnant women could want ice cream so much that they break and enter" he laughed as she smacked his arm. He leaned up against the counter next to her and smiled at her stomach. Her shirt had ridden up without her knowing, she was beautiful standing there her hair all up in a messy pony tail and ice cream on her nose. Reaching over he wiped it off and when she blushed he tried not to smile even more.

"Well now that I have raided your ice cream I am going to steal your son because I need help getting started on the baby's scrap book and I know how much he loves to …." He laughed lightly when they turned to look at his son, who was fast asleep on the couch.

"I don't think he is going anywhere" Ryan said and put an arm around her shoulders. "But I did have a question for you"

"Oh really and what can I help you with my dear neighbor"

"Javi set me up on a date for tomorrow night and I was wondering if you could watch Devlin" He could see the emotions on her face go from happy, to sad back to happy. He knew he was doing the right thing by going out with someone tomorrow, if only so that Alexis wouldn't start to feel the way he felt about her.

"Ohhhh and who is the lucky lady…. Do I need to grill her before you take her out?" she said faking enthusiasm.

"No you do not need to grill her" He laughed shortly. "Her name is Kelly and she works at the Funeral place over on 6th street. Laine knows her and insisted that he set us up"

"Well good" she said and started walking towards the door. "Just let me know what time tomorrow and I'll set something fun up for me and Dev to do."

"Lex…. You sure you don't want to stay for dinner? I was going to order a pizza" he said and he could see it in her face that she was upset.

"No, I'm kind of tired now. I think I am just going to go lay down" he stood there in the kitchen staring at the door long after she had left. This was the right thing to do… he knew it was.

Kevin had left three hours ago with his date and had promised not to be back to late. Alexis had told him not to worry that she and Devlin were going to stay up all night and watch movies. She'd gotten them all set up with popcorn and root beer floats. Devlin had fallen asleep an hour after Kevin left and suddenly she hated that he was on a date. It had bothered her a bit yesterday and it wasn't until about an hour ago that she realized why. She was jealous, she'd had Kevin and Delvin practically all to herself the last three months and she didn't want to share them with some woman.

Setting Devlin down on the small bed she'd gotten for him in the baby's room, she walked back into the living room and sighed. She hated feeling like there was nothing she could do. Alexis had known for a while she had feelings for Kevin, she'd always felt something for him, but she had always pushed it off as a sisterly affection, that was until she got pregnant and he had practically taken her in.

Hearing a key in the lock she got up and busied herself with cleaning up the mess in the living room. She would not let him see her upset. "How was your date?" she called over her shoulder as she walked into the kitchen.

"It was nice; Sharon is a very nice woman." She didn't want to turn and look at him, setting the popcorn bowl in the sink she turned on the faucet and started doing the dishes. "How was Devlin?"

She could hear him move closer, it was like she could almost feel him waiting for some kind of reaction from her. "He was wonderful as always, though he fell asleep in the middle of the first movie."

"Good. Good. How are you feeling? I know you've got to be tired, do you want me to take Devlin home?" Finally she turned to face him and suddenly she could feel her face grow hot. He was wearing a pair of tight fitting pants and a black Sabbath T-Shirt.

"No, he's asleep in the nursery." Looking down at her feet she picked at the hem of her shirt. "I think I am going to head to be now too. You're right I am pretty tired."

She went to walk past him and he grabbed her pulling her into one of his all-consuming hugs. She always felt so safe when he was holding her.

"I'm so sorry Lex." She just nodded into his shoulder and pulled back to look at him. She could see it in his face, the struggle to do what he wanted and what he thought was right.

"It's okay. Don't worry about it" pulling away she smiled at him. "Lock up behind you okay"

Turning she walked into the hallway and didn't look back.

She avoided him for the next few weeks. She slipped her rent under his door when she knew he was out and if she was watching Devlin she always acted like she was in a hurry so that he wouldn't try and talk to her. She didn't know how to react to Kevin dating someone; it was like her heart was broken all over again.

Sitting in her living room she stared at the latest sonogram of her little baby girl. Allana; she had decided for a name. She was ready to have her baby here with her and in a few short weeks she would be.

No matter how much she tried to focus on getting ready for the baby she couldn't seem to stop thinking about Kevin. Javi had stopped by the day before and excitedly told her about how Kevin and Sharon seemed to be getting along really well and he could tell that maybe Kevin was falling for her. She had felt sick the rest of the day.

Kate had noticed the distance between them and had asked Alexis about it earlier that day.

"_Lex are you sure you're okay? I noticed how withdrawn you have been since Kevin stopped hanging around so much."_

"_Yeah, I'm good I just don't have time to do anything what with the baby coming and everything. I just need to focus on Allana and I will be just fine" the last few words barely left her mouth and Kate was hugging her. She started crying all over her step mom and couldn't stop. _

"_It will be okay, it's normal to have feelings for someone you grew so close too" _

"_I know that, but why can't he just break the rules for once? Who cares if I am younger? I don't! And Dad doesn't care that your twelve years younger than he is!" She said and wiped her eyes. _

"_Things are different with your dad and me. I couldn't stand him in the beginning and then it was attraction from then on. You and Kevin well you acted like ….." She looked over at Kate when she stopped talking._

"_We acted like what?"_

_Kate looked thoughtful for a moment "Well you have kind of always acted like a couple. Like an old married couple actually, even when he was with Jenny"_

"_How do you mean?" Alexis was confused, _

"_You've always done things with him, the little things like fixing his tie or eating off his plate when we went to dinner. I always thought that kind of peeved Jenny" Kate said and laughed._

"_Oh it did. He used to text me the next day or call and say that I had to be good because Jenny was jealous about how good of friends we were" She sniffled and looked down at her hands. "I can't do this; I can't live this close to him anymore."_

"_Oh Lex" Kate said and hugged her again. _

Pulling herself from the memory she put the picture of her baby into her purse and stood. Maybe Kevin was right, it was for the best. Walking over to the front door she grabbed her suit case and looked over her living room one last time. Her stuff was in boxes and her dad had promised to come get it all the next day. It was time to move on.

Kevin couldn't shake the feeling that something was off. Javi had been keeping him away from Castle and Beckett all day and when he stepped off the elevator on his floor he was suddenly feeling like something was missing. Knowing that Laine had Devlin for the night he walked up the hall to Alexis' apartment and unlocked the door, maybe he just needed to see her. He hadn't seen too much of her for a while and he missed her.

When he opened the door he almost dropped his keys. Her apartment was all packed up and her pictures were off the walls, calling out for her he went to the nursery to see that it too was packed up and the crib had already been taken apart. After searching the rest of the apartment he felt anger well up in him and disappointment that she felt she had to run away.

Slamming the front door shut he stormed down the hall and into the elevator. There was no way she got to just walk away without talking to him first.

Alexis was laying on the bed in her room when she heard a shouting match coming from down stairs. Getting up she winced a little and when it passed the walked down the stairs to see her dad and Kevin yelling at each other while Kate stood in the middle.

"What is going on" she asked holding her belly.

"This butt head thinks he can just barge in here and demand to talk to you" Her dad said jabbing a finger at Kevin.

"Lex, I just want to talk to you please" Kevin said and she could hear the pleading in his voice.

"We don't have anything to talk about. So if you're not here to talk about Devlin then I don't want to hear it." Turning she walked into the kitchen ignoring his footsteps behind her and the arguing between her dad and Kate.

"How come you get to just run away? Without even telling me you were moving out? Why don't you talk to me anymore?"

"Why should I have to tell you anything" she swung around and poked her finger into his chest. "We are not together, never have been never will be. You are with _Sharon_ remembering? You didn't want me you wanted her!"

"Lex, you don't understand!"

"Oh I understand _Detective Ryan!_ You can't possible fathom that we can be together because I am so much younger than you; you don't even take into account how I feel about that decision! I loved you so much it hurt and you just kept pushing me away, like I was some child."

"No Lex I don't think of you as a child at all…." He stepped back and rubbed his hand over his face "What you don't get is that even when I was married to Jenny…. You were always there, it was like as soon as you turned eighteen and went off to college we became such close friends and it was like you knew me better than my wife did. I didn't know how to handle it; I shoved it into the back of my mind. Then things with Jenny fell apart and suddenly you were back and pregnant and all I wanted to do was take care of you."

"I still don't get it, how come we can't get past how old I am? How come you just can't allow yourself to be happy with me?" she was crying now, and when he pulled her into a hug she let him tangle his fingers in her hair.

"Because I think I do love you and I …. I think I am just scared that it's going to end up like it did with Jenny." She looked up at him and saw a look of realization on his face "And I think maybe for a long time it's always been you, and I guess I feel guilty that I might have been that way even when I was married"

"Oh" she didn't know what to say, she pulled away from him and touched his face "Why didn't you say anything? I've been over eighteen for quite some time now"

"I just couldn't, and I know that doesn't sound right…." He took both her hands and smiled sadly at her. "Please just come home, I'll help you unpack your apartment and we can talk about this more"

She suddenly felt a hard pain in her gut, "I can't"

"Why not? Please Lex I need you to just come home"

"No I can't Kevin" She smiled at him and pointed to her feet, they were wet and her toes felt sticky, "My water broke"


End file.
